NY Thanksgiving

pictures

are the little moments more important? i'm feeling restless. I have too many things to accomplish to be this sentimental. 

the women

I haven't felt this optimistic in a very long time. I just feel good about everything. I know I shouldn't say it out loud because that's when my life will start raining shit again... but i'm just soaking it in right now. 

Debbie said it, "I look forward to coming in to work even on bad days just to be surrounded by such strong independent women." 

man. I feel ya. Getting my job at the daycare has really turned my life around. I was able to rely on the consistency of the daycare and the people in it when everything else seemed to be up in the air. in all of the chaos that occurs around 8 toddlers just doesn't compare to the chaos in the real world. There were days when feeding babies and putting them to sleep was the only therapy I could rely on. And i have learned a ton. not only from the job itself but the people i have met there. I'm truly grateful to have such great friends. People who are real and caring.  

So coming back there after a summer off is refreshing and comforting. a welcome addition to my busy schedule. 

the last month in pictures

A joke's a very serious thing.
  - Charles Churchill

A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.
  - Terry Pratchett

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.
  - Errol Flynn

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
  - Mae West

Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose.
  - Evan Esar

Books to the ceiling,/ Books to the sky,/ My pile of books is a mile high./ How I love them! How I need them!/ I'll have a long beard by the time I read them.
  - Arnold Lobel

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
  - William Jennings Bryan

ERIK H. ERIKSON:

Hope is both the earliest and the most indispensable virtue inherent in the state of being alive. If life is to be sustained hope must remain, even where confidence is wounded, trust impaired.

HELEN KELLER:

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON:

Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year. No man has learned anything rightly, until he knows that every day is Doomsday.

"everyday is the best day ever"

GEORGE ELIOT:

What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?

EMILY DICKINSON:

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain.
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.

who needs a drink?!

andrew and i finally talked about everything. We agreed on needing a break from living from each other and we are both going to try to be better about communicating. He told me that i was his best friend and he thinks we do have something special. I cried a lot. I understand his intentions a bit more. I underestimated him. he is absolutely wonderful and he does know what i want. somehow things got all messed up and we weren't talking about it.  

why can't i just let go completely? why do i need constant reassurance? 

I think andrew has changed me for the better - he's a very generous and loving guy and he usually sets a good example for me.  I'm going to be less bitchy just deal with my life.  I'm going to try to deserve him. and relax...

I have no right to say anything right now. I'm a fucking idiot and vain and untrustworthy. i'm a spoiled little brat to say the least. Everything he ever said about me was right. And still he didn't deserve to be treated this way. 

I'm done. I give up now. because i'm tired of disappointing everyone. He is great to me and i threw it all away just to feel wanted. 

joe was right. 

I hate myself. end of story.

Does Ellen have nothing better to spend her money on than wii gaming systems for her entire audience?! What the hell is wrong with the world?! 

I'm positive a little bit of thought would have illuminated a better use of 11,000 dollars. But what do i know? I'm broke and any money I get will most likely go towards my own selfish enjoyment... in fact maybe I'll buy a wii - after all wiifit could cure the obesity epidemic. ha.