trip/random thoughts

The rest of our trip was pretty great. Well... after I got done crying at Louis Benton because I was convinced the guy that poured our water was making fun of me. We went to bed early after that and woke up sunday to drive to east lansing. Andrew wanted to get part of the drive done but we were not quite ready to go home. So we picked a holiday inn and settled in for another night. We ordered pizza then went swimming (finally!) and we had the whole pool to ourselves. I had a great time and wore myself out in the short time we were there.

We made the 4:20 showing of be kind rewind at the IMAX. It was cool but I don't think it was any better than a regular movie theater. We went back to our hotel with a 6pack of michigan IPAs and ordered room service for dinner. It was not as good as the Hilton's and was a bit overpriced. We just hung out and watched tv and relaxed. It was a great time. the vacation i have been waiting for.

then it's back to reality. I got a call from Zoe and she wants me to watch the kids over the summer and she is willing to give me a raise. I really want to do it but i'm scared of ann getting mad that she has to schedule around something else. I guess it's enough notice- she doesn't want me to start until june.

.....

So i have come to the conclusion that i have no self-esteem. And I don't really know why. I don't feel like such a bad person most of the time. But I am excruciatingly sensitive. I get upset about everything. I don't like to be around people. Andrew's joking around really hurts my feelings and just a strange look from someone will make me burst into tears. It's not getting better.

Mom wants me to paint andy a picture for fixing my car but i haven't had any inspiration in years. I haven't done anything arty since my 2005 book. I don't feel creative.

I had a dream the other night that all my teeth were falling out. in chunks and some were crumbling and some were dangling there until i finally spit them out. It was like some weird game show. I was walking through my day at a really fast pace constantly feeling shards of teeth in my mouth that i had to spit out and explain to everyone i was seeing. I remember I looked in a mirror at one point and saw one hanging on for dear life and i was scared to pull it because i didn't want it to hurt. It finally fell out like the rest. The strangest part of all of this was that no one else could tell that i was losing my teeth until they saw me spit out pieces and even then all my teeth were still partially there and the part that was falling out was conveniently hidden.

I keep dreaming of dads house. it's exactly the same each time. the same colors, lightness, eerie feeling. different things happening each time. Am I homesick?

I should get to doing my homework. I think i'll have a cup of tea and get started.

Ok so the last few days have been the best ever. and today tops it all. We are at the Hilton in Grand Rapids. We went to go the beerfest in grand rapids and we had to take a cab from our hotel to the event. Not a big deal except when we got there the guy at the gate was like... We're sold out of tickets- sorry. So he tells us to go up to will call and ask them because there might be a few extra. So we walk up to will call and ask and they say no of course. then some random girl tells us the guy in the blue hat has the tickets. And HE DOES. So we get our tickets and go in and get some beer right away. there are tons of breweries and we see matt and andrew sees some other guy from dunning that he knew and we get some good pictures.

It was a ton of fun until we go to get some food and warm up. We get separated and the food line (the ONLY food line) is like an hour long. so I try to find warmth and am unsuccessful then we use our last tokens and get a cab back to the hotel only to find that the hotel restaurant is under renovation. HAha. So we go back to the room. order crab stuffed mushrooms and cocktail shrimp and put in reservations to louis benton steakhouse. I'm so excited i could burst. I've had such a good weekend and we are about to go have some good food then go swimming in the hotel pool.

I really needed to get away from everything and this has been better than expected. Even the little disappointments didn't seem so bad. It is great to have MY andrew back. He's such a great person I just can't tell you. I'm so ready for some food. it's been a long cold day. :)