what a day

It was great but very very long. i was at the daycare at 7:20am this morning with a large cup of coffee in my hand. I worked in the baby room with aisha and we had a good time talking and cleaning and taking care of babies. The kids were excellent and nothing went wrong. Debbie gave me a bag full of handmedown shirts that was taped closed with "little mary g" written on top. I went to panera for lunch and then to work with Jesse. It was her sister's birthday today so that made it more fun - we went to her sister's soccer game then went to get take-out and ate olive garden and potstickers (?! I know it was awesome.) then finished up late and came home. Trek invited me out to the corner but I'm not sure if i want to go. I have to be at work at 7:15 again tomorrow but I get off at 5:30. Wednesday will be similar to today. 

I did get some bad news, I wont be getting my women's studies certificate until next january when I graduate but I still get to attend the brunch. Wtf. oh well I'm just not as excited anymore. I fulfilled my requirements for women's studies. They don't do a brunch/certificate thing in january they just mail them to you. It feels fake now. 

I'm excited to work at the daycare tomorrow. I'm just exhausted. I think it's time for bed. 

i'm done

this double standard makes me look stupid. Why do you have to say things like that?

What am I waiting for? there is only present and past. wishing is useless. 

finals fun

The best night I have had in a long ass time. :)

As I sit on the dunes, and inhale, the cool gust of lake-air brushes up against me. The sound of the wind on my eardrum calms me down. I exhale and the waves crash onto the sand, splashing my feet.  With my eyes closed I hear seagulls overhead and feel the sun on my face. Finally relaxed. This is my sanctuary. This is my escape. Sitting on the beach looking over a seemingly endless lake I don’t feel so important. My problems melt away… in the summer at least. 

support beam:insulation

I might cry. I'm probably just hormonal. I'm sitting in my apartment alone... I should be happy. I'm just sad. More nervous. I want a dedication. A book chapter! or maybe just my name in some sand. Mary's rock, of rockygappark. You know what I'm talking about, the few times what you're feeling seems like the most important thing in the world. and still insignificant and unnoticed.  I can't stop thinking about my life. All of it. My head's been in the past today and I can't shake it. 

"get loved make more try to stay alive"

how is this not the point? open you're heart up a bit. 

sometimes i can't tell when I'm writing whether it's to myself or someone else. it's always both.

today was a good day. And I guess I have good music and i'm about to get some sleep so it's a good night too. 

I want to talk about the future. I need to in order to get rid of some of this anxiety. 

why do i even bother?