breaking news

andrew has been great. he came with to my women's studies brunch with my mom - it made me feel so good. I liked having him there by my side. It just seems like he has been trying a bit harder to make sure i'm happy lately. it makes me smile. i know he loves me. 

I have just had a great week. I'm glad it's summer and I have time to sit and do absolutely nothing. i needed it. i'm feeling rejuvenated. i hope it lasts...

I am about to go sign the lease on my place for next year.  I am excited but money is stressing me out again. I know it will all work out i just have to pay attention to what i'm buying. No more starbucks.... or amer's for that matter. espresso is my weakness.  Yesterday I wasted 3.75 on a mocha that i waited 20 minutes for then it was the wrong one and disgusting. I'm never going to Luwak again, I am always disappointed, yet I keep going back. lesson that needs to be learned? yes. i think so. 

I'm going to start planning. for next year & grad school. For what I want to leave behind. there is a lot i need to learn still if i am going to make something of my life. 

I'm out for the day....

what a day

It was great but very very long. i was at the daycare at 7:20am this morning with a large cup of coffee in my hand. I worked in the baby room with aisha and we had a good time talking and cleaning and taking care of babies. The kids were excellent and nothing went wrong. Debbie gave me a bag full of handmedown shirts that was taped closed with "little mary g" written on top. I went to panera for lunch and then to work with Jesse. It was her sister's birthday today so that made it more fun - we went to her sister's soccer game then went to get take-out and ate olive garden and potstickers (?! I know it was awesome.) then finished up late and came home. Trek invited me out to the corner but I'm not sure if i want to go. I have to be at work at 7:15 again tomorrow but I get off at 5:30. Wednesday will be similar to today. 

I did get some bad news, I wont be getting my women's studies certificate until next january when I graduate but I still get to attend the brunch. Wtf. oh well I'm just not as excited anymore. I fulfilled my requirements for women's studies. They don't do a brunch/certificate thing in january they just mail them to you. It feels fake now. 

I'm excited to work at the daycare tomorrow. I'm just exhausted. I think it's time for bed. 

i'm done

this double standard makes me look stupid. Why do you have to say things like that?

What am I waiting for? there is only present and past. wishing is useless. 

finals fun

The best night I have had in a long ass time. :)

As I sit on the dunes, and inhale, the cool gust of lake-air brushes up against me. The sound of the wind on my eardrum calms me down. I exhale and the waves crash onto the sand, splashing my feet.  With my eyes closed I hear seagulls overhead and feel the sun on my face. Finally relaxed. This is my sanctuary. This is my escape. Sitting on the beach looking over a seemingly endless lake I don’t feel so important. My problems melt away… in the summer at least. 

support beam:insulation

I might cry. I'm probably just hormonal. I'm sitting in my apartment alone... I should be happy. I'm just sad. More nervous. I want a dedication. A book chapter! or maybe just my name in some sand. Mary's rock, of rockygappark. You know what I'm talking about, the few times what you're feeling seems like the most important thing in the world. and still insignificant and unnoticed.  I can't stop thinking about my life. All of it. My head's been in the past today and I can't shake it. 

"get loved make more try to stay alive"

how is this not the point? open you're heart up a bit. 

sometimes i can't tell when I'm writing whether it's to myself or someone else. it's always both.

today was a good day. And I guess I have good music and i'm about to get some sleep so it's a good night too. 

I want to talk about the future. I need to in order to get rid of some of this anxiety. 

why do i even bother?

Mushaboom

( written by Feist )

Helping the kids out of their coats 
But wait the babies haven't been born 
Unpacking the bags and setting up 
And planting lilacs and buttercups 

But in the meantime I've got it hard 
Second floor living without a yard 
It may be years until the day 
My dreams will match up with my pay 

Old dirt road
Knee deep snow 
Watching the fire as we grow old 

I got a man to stick it out 
And make a home from a rented house 
And we'll collect the moments one by one 
I guess that's how the future's done 

How many acres how much light 
Tucked in the woods and out of sight 
Talk to the neighbours and tip my cap 
On a little road barely on the map 

Old dirt road
Knee deep snow 
Watching the fire as we grow old 
Old dirt road
Rambling rose 
Watching the fire as we grow well I'm sold 

dumb bad luck?

today had me from the very beginning. I guess I was in a fog before i woke up.  I just couldn't keep it together and all I could think as i was sitting staring at the no parking sign my car died in front of was "I get the best of the worst".  Because while my car dying on the way to class is pretty ridiculous  the fact that I was lucky enough to make it on to a side road, but not quite far enough to be legal and walk to class, just makes me want to scream. and while I has andrew available to come rescue me he was sick and running a fever and had to come bail my ass for the gazillionth time that even I'm wondering why the fuck he puts up with it.  Not to mention being on time to meet jesse's bus but not having to key to get into her house, ugh (and again andrew rescues me). 

I shouldn't really complain... somehow, in some ass backward way it always works out. Every fucking mess I get myself into somehow ends up for the best. If I could remember this when it's all happening it probably wouldn't freak me out so much.  But I just can't help feeling like my best intentions are being strategically shot down by my arch nemesis. dumb fucking bad luck is what i have. Sara said if it wasn't for bad luck i wouldn't have any at all.... but the bad luck I have in the short term really isn't too effective in stopping me from doing what i need to do. I guess I should just suck it up and learn to relax. 

Tomorrow is another day. Thank god they go by fast nowadays. Maybe I'll get lucky and tomorrow will be boring. 

cheeers!

you cant handle my infinite nature can you?

I made University Honors! I'm so excited this has been something I dreamed of for a while now. To tell you the truth I called to make sure it wasn't a mistake before I got too excited. It's real. It was just a great thing to have happen. 

Now I'm on my way to marshall and Kzoo for our mini brewery tour. First Dark Horse then the hotel then Bell's.  It should be a great night. I'm all dressed and ready to go. I cut my hair and put on makeup - that's how excited I am. 

Finally things are getting good again. Now if i just had a car.....