I can't deal. how many times have i said this in my lifetime?

even music doesn't really lift my spirits anymore. fuck fucking prozac and it's false promises of sanity.

fuck stupid fake ass bitches that would rather talk to andrew. yeah i know andrew is the nice one. i know he's the only rational part of my life. does that mean i'm worth absolutely nothing?

how do i not be a huge bitch to everyone when all i want to do is walk around with earplugs in. hey that isnt a bad idea i should get some. maybe it would help me get over this bullshit in my brain if i can stop adding to it.

maybe.

most likely it will continue this way until i eventually give in. i would like to....

ahhhhh lucero!!!
it could be worse. it has been worse. I have actually deserved the misery in my life on several occassions. i dont feel this is one of them. i was thinking about jobs and school and my future and i'm trying hard to not just give it all up. what am i working towards? why do i want to get a masters degree? so i can waste even more of my time planning for something that if it is possible isnt for long. i need a shrink.

she makes me want to strangle something. this is not a natural feeling for me. I dont normally feel like harming another individual.... but if someone mentions her name i feel nothing but rage. i just want her to die. anyway whatsoever.

it's time for more wine. i cant keep thinking or i'll scream....... HELP ME to get away from myself.