Cf forum post

nocode: As with all of the responses here, my personality is a mixture of both warm and cold, loving and distant. I have noticed a few things about the context of my cold/distant side.

For one, whenever I am feeling overwhelmed with my cf i find myself retreating into my own thoughts and having less patience with those around me. This is especially true for those people who are close to me and I feel comfortable letting my guard down around.
Second, it usually gets worse if there is someone "feeling sorry for me" or if I feel a lack of compassion for what I am dealing with. I tend to like to be alone for this reason - people wanting to "help" usually end up making me feel worse, and not because that was their intention.
Third, relationships have been and will probably always be difficult. Because I have a hard time dealing with other people's grief over my illness I used to hide it, lie about how i was feeling, or downplay it's significance in my life. This always ended in disaster! Either the guy I was with would over compensate by being super-man and trying to take over every little part of my life to completely ignoring that I was in any way different than anyone else.

I think I have found a balance now (surprisingly enough - once I started to get sick more frequently it was easier to be more open). I have a tremendous boyfriend who is supportive yet not overbearing and I have learned to trust him when he says that he can handle this and it's not too much for him. This is a huge step for me - to trust that I am not a burden on someone else. It is still hard and I still have meltdowns and make him swear he'll tell me if he feels the least bit burnt out, but at least my heart feels warmer and I can be a whole person- not split between the me I want to be and the me that I am.

I hope this helps and you keep your chin up and heart open to whatever is next.

<3 mary